Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

the greatest of roller-coasters.

There are times when I feel like I'm riding on the greatest of roller-coasters.
With the biggest hills.
That means the tallest of peaks with the best views.
And lowest of valleys. 
And of course, the long climb back up.

For me the valleys hit when I have an episode with my back.
And unfortunately for me I'm experiencing my second one in a month. 
On Monday morning I woke up and could barely get out of bed. I tried getting up and fell back down so I rested and did some work from home thinking that if I really took it easy I could prevent it from getting worse and really get back to life the next day. 
That night I went in to the ER and had updated x-rays done per my DR's orders. 

Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I was determined to make it into the office. Determined. You see, I was promoted a few weeks ago. Promoted to a role that is arguably one of the most sought after roles (that is what we call one of those roller coaster peaks), but the pressure is on to really deliver. 

So, back to going into the office. 
I got dressed- which took three times as long as normal and included a lot of help from Audrey. You know it's bad when your 3 year old has to put your shoes on YOU. 
And off I went. In tremendous pain, but again, determined. 
I made it about 3/4s of the way to the office and when I could take the pain no more and realizing that my legs and feet would barely move (which is a little bit of a problem when one needs to press the gas and the brakes), I pulled over into a parking lot at the side of the road. 

Dan came to my rescue- but we work in opposite directions so it took nearly two hours for him to get there which meant my position in the car (trying to lay as flat as possible) made my back start to spasm badly. He drove us home and by the time we pulled into the driveway he had to practically carry me into the house and slooooowly because when my back is experiencing a spasm I cannot move. CANNOT move an inch- my body goes into shock from the pain which makes me shake and also nearly black out. 

He helped me into the house, I literally crawled up the stairs, made it to our bed- he took off my shoes for me, brought me my medicine and water and I've been hostage in this room ever since.

I am praying. PRAYING. That tomorrow I can walk and make into the office at some point- partly because the stress of understanding how very behind I am in my work AND being unable to care for my sweet babies (who are all three sick by the way- when it rains, it pours) is enough to give me an anxiety attack but partly because I just need to live life. 

Trust me- if you are walking around today in relatively good health, be thankful. 
And do every thing in your power to stay that way. 

Here's to hoping and praying and just realllly focusing on getting back on track soon. 
And also, if this roller coaster could just slow down a bit or maybe flatten out a tad that would be fantastic. 

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