Life on Cottage Hill: PAGES

Thursday, June 11, 2015

coping mechanisms.

Life has thrown lots of curve balls this week. 
Nothing too horrible and if I was forced to choose my problems or trade for someone else's I'm positive I would frantically reach for my own, BUT it was just one of those weeks. 

This seems to happen to me every few months.
I just hit this rut. And the harder I try to get out of it, the longer I seem to stay in it. It's pretty clear I'm supposed to be learning something, but I typically don't understand what that is until later. So, you know, just hanging out down here in what feels like crazy'ville, counting down until the weekend. 

Oh, and if you know me- even a little bit. You could probably guess some coping mechanisms I have in times like these. There are lists - SO MANY LISTS- and goals... time to update your 10 year master plan, anyone? And who doesn't buy a new planner in June just to fill it all in again, color-coded, of course. And there are books being read about said lists and goals. And probably too much coffee (well, there is always too much coffee). And all of this all over again, all of the time.

I was reading through a new book today about de-cluttering your house, your things and how that starts with getting rid of stuff which I'm a big believer in. We did so much of that when we moved houses, but I feel like that was just wave one and now that we're here I'm slowly getting through wave two. Anyway, as she was talking through her strategy two things hit me:

First, there was a line in the book where she said that de-cluttering can be life-changing because it helps you focus, helps you feel more free, helps save you time- all of that good stuff BUT that is only possible if you have dealt with the true cause of your anxiety. I paused. Given the week I've had I asked myself, "what is the true cause of my anxiety?" Unless the answer is ALL OF THE THINGS- which I'm guessing is probably not a good answer- then really I'm not sure I really even know. So, first next step for me: figure that out. I think in the end it probably all comes down to balance and this week that was non-existent. I felt guilty when I was home caring for sick babies because I wasn't meeting expectations at the office and when I was at the office I was feeling guilty for not being home with my babies. It's a lose/lose some days. And there is no easy answer out there that works for every person.  

Second, while the book is just focused on de-cluttering things I will start there, but there's so much more to it than that. I've had this theory for a long time that there are 3 things we all have a finite amount of: time, energy and money. And at any time we will feel okay, even great, as long as we have a sufficient level of at least two of these, but at any time we're lacking in more than one is when things get really hard. What you have and what you need more of vary by season in your life. And if I think about this week specifically my time and energy levels have been far too low. So, second next step for me is to audit not only the things we have and what we can purge, but just as importantly think about where where my time/energy/money is going and what fixes need to happen with those too. 

So here's to a weekend with time to think, time to pray, time to reflect and hopefully come out on the other side feeling a whole lot more like myself. 

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